KreamSoda

Today is my last full day in Florida!
Tomorrow I catch the flight home around 2:30 p.m. and i’ll be arriving back at my house between 5-6:30! I’m extremely excited to get back home, honestly.
I’m excited to see my pets again, I’m excited for JAFAX this weekend, and I’m excited to be able to talk to my online and offline friends properly again!
To my friends, I’m sorry for not having been able to communicate well this week. Ive had only my phone, so even when I did chat with friends I was afraid that I wasn’t able to contribute well! I’m so sorry if that was the case ; u ; I love you guys so much so I wanna be able to give you my all!

Sends you all flowers and hugs ~

I just got nostalgicly sad
Like, thinking about something that made me really sad for years but isn’t necessarily an issue now. I dunno
I wish I could talk about it but I still feel really dumb about being so sad about it ffffff

There are times I get really, really affectionate and loving but i’m always afraid that if I express it people will draw away because they may not like me as much as I like them and its like
Hnnnn I just wanna TELL THESE PEOPLE I LOVE EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM BUT I DONT WANT TO SEEM WEIRD

Crawls in a hole and sobs

I’m thinking about telling my mom about my struggles with anxiety and depression this year
I’m desperate and I feel like if anybody is going to even get close to understanding its going to be her
Then again I don’t know
I just need help

On a completely different note my grandma and dad started talking to me about getting a job and my dad was pushing me to look for one right when I get back home and I almost started crying because it was giving me bad anxiety nnngh
Please do not push me
I want to get a job and I want to be able to have one without having anxiety attacks and depression and somebody pushing me to get a job is not going to help
I need support, not pushing and shoving and yelling at me when I am not going fast enough
God I wish so much I had someone near me who understood I need it so much I need help with this

I hate being so helpless

I had tons of really odd dreams last night.

I only remember bits and pieces but i’ll try my best to explain.
Basically in one there was a zombie outbreak (zombies have been a common theme in my dreams lately why even) and I was some sort of Messiah who could save everyone? But I had no idea how so I just did my best to instruct everyone and idk it’s kind of blurry but somehow we ended up in this really large school and the zombies completely infested the place and while we were in the classes the zombies would come out and attack the locked doors and you could hear gunshots and when the class got out everyone would go out and there’d be blood everywhere but no zombies. It was really gory and bad news. Then I dunno I guess the school staff who were shooting the zombies during classes died or something because eventually the staff were gone and we students had to fend for ourselves and it was scary man

Then I had some other dream that started off with me Zoid battling and then these people showed up who wanted to kill me so I hid my Zoid, got out, took a basket and started floating out to sea to escape these people and somehow the dream ended with me floating away with a single chicken tender I have no idea why

AND FINALLY I had some dream extending the zombie apocolypse a bit but it was more about some force of people (they were animal people though; the leader was essentially Fox McCloud) who were against the army of zombies and fighting them but idk that’s about it
They used a lot of really cool defensive and offenaive maneuvers and the dream just focused on their battle

Cool dreams

Rolls around

I’m feeling the onset of sads again nO GO AWAY SADS I DONT WANT YOU

Hmmm, I’ve only spent a few days in Florida and I’m already quite sad and homesick.
I’ve been terribly tired the whole time while I’m still recovering from my sickness, and it’s just.. I dunno. I hate feeling bored here because I feel like I should be “making my own fun,” but that’s so hard when I’m so tired and drowsy constantly. I end up just laying around and waiting for my friends to come online so I can talk and be happy. I feel if I don’t distract myself I’ll get sad; in all honesty, I already am becoming a little blue.
I worry too much about too many things when I don’t have a distraction, and I find that while I’m here it’s very hard to escape my thoughts. I’m trying to keep them on happy things and people who make me happy though, and that helps. I don’t want to waste my summer worrying about it ending, and I’m afraid I’ll end up doing that this week.

Last night was a really good night for autocorrect omg
this was the only one I captured but there was more, ohhh gosh was there more.

Last night was a really good night for autocorrect omg
this was the only one I captured but there was more, ohhh gosh was there more.

Uggghhh I feel like I’m ready to hibernate
I slept for about 12 hours and i’ve only been awake for 1 yet I already feel like sleeping again

I’m in Florida now and its hot and I’m sick I feel like passing out

I put Hobby’s old muscle shirt on Shadow for fun and omfg
SHADOW….. you chunky kitty

I put Hobby’s old muscle shirt on Shadow for fun and omfg
SHADOW….. you chunky kitty

I had a dream that when I went to Florida I was hanging out at my grandma’s house with friends and family, and then suddenly this small earthquake happened that made the house quiver a bit and we were laughing like “ohh scary.” Then suddenly the Earthquake got really nasty and the house went flying and landed on the side and the old grandma lady with us died; everyone got separated and I met my 9th grade Earth Science teacher there for some reason, so we went up to a house with a single dad with two little girls and started singing a song to lift their hopes. They forgot their worries and so we made it our goal to go around finding broken people to raise their hopes again with our song, and by the end we’d formed this really large group of people who wanted to help people in this hard time.
IT WAS REALLY INSPIRING

Edit//
Ive been thinking about this dream a lot since I woke up, and I think it may be representative of my deep desires to travel and help those in need. It even includes my desire to travel with someone, but reminds me that perhaps my best travel buddy will be someone unexpected and I shouldn’t worry so much about who I will find myself with but rather my impact, which in the dream was quite great.